Pain and Pleasure – The Forces That Control Your Mind
By Shay Menachem Gold
How many blows can you take to earn a black belt?How many years can you work at a job you hate?How long can you work without progress?How many times can you hear "no" from a woman you want?
All of this is called pain.
In English, pain is "Pain," and your ability to handle pain—whether physical or mental—determines whether you achieve your goals.
As a man, you must learn to befriend pain. Don't run from it, don't let it beat you in the race of life. Instead, experience it, learn from it.
Handling pain is a mental muscle you must develop. I always say:Emotion = Weakness, Handling pain = Strength.
Why do you want to quit your job? Because you feel pain.Why don’t you save money? Because it’s painful to give up instant gratification.But if you have a meaningful goal, you’ll be able to endure much more pain and disappointment.
Your Brain Tries to Escape Pain
Your brain is wired to avoid pain. That’s why when you want to leave a job, it’s usually because the level of pain has exceeded a certain threshold.When a woman rejects you, it hurts—but that pain exists only in your mind.When I work 16 hours a day, I feel pain, but also satisfaction—because I am challenging myself.
But that's only half the story.
The Second Force That Drives You – Pleasure
Just as your brain tries to escape pain, it also seeks pleasure—through food, sex, achievements, music, and more.
Your brain is constantly asking:"Is the pain greater than the pleasure?"
For example:If you feel that your salary (pleasure) isn’t worth your suffering at work (pain), you’ll want to quit.But if you suddenly get a 2,000 NIS bonus, the pleasure might outweigh the pain—and you’ll stay.The same applies to relationships.
You Can Train Your Brain
The good news? You control your brain.You can train it to love things it usually hates.
I’ve trained my brain to love intense physical activity.
An overweight person sees the gym as a place of pain, while eating a doughnut is pleasure. But this can be changed.
Salespeople hear "no" all the time—it hurts. But those who train their brains to handle rejection become better at their business.
How Do You Do It?
You need to build a system that works for you, not against you.
I work two different jobs because the reward I get is greater than the pain.
I train my brain to love healthy food—to achieve six-pack abs.
I teach myself to enjoy hard work because I know the results are worth it.
It All Comes Down to Self-Discipline
Every day, I train my brain to handle pain—and also to find clean, healthy pleasure.
Pleasure can come from eating fruit instead of junk food.Pleasure can come from an intense workout instead of sitting in front of Netflix.
This topic is complex and fascinating, and I intend to explore it further.
But in the end, the real question is:
Are you training your brain to handle pain?
When you have a strong goal, you teach your brain to overcome pain.
– Shay Gold
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Three Interesting Facts About the Male Brain:
1. The male brain is built for problem-solving – Unlike women, who naturally process emotions and share experiences, men tend to look for direct solutions. That’s why, when you face pain, your instinct is to "fix" the situation.
2. Men’s dopamine levels fluctuate drastically – Dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure, operates in cycles for men. This means we can be extremely focused on a goal and then suddenly lose interest completely.
3. Men experience stress differently than women – Under stress, the male brain releases less oxytocin (the calming hormone), making men seek solutions through action rather than emotional support.
If you learn to control your brain—you control your life.– Shay Gold
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Summary of the Article
This article explores the connection between pain and pleasure and how the human brain balances the two. Pain, whether physical or mental, is an inseparable part of life—it can drive growth and goal achievement. At the same time, our brain constantly seeks pleasure through food, success, sex, and accomplishments.
To succeed in life, it's crucial to learn how to handle pain and use it as a tool for strength instead of avoiding it. Those who develop self-discipline and mental resilience can better navigate their lives, train their brains to embrace challenges, and turn difficulties into beneficial habits. Understanding that pain is part of the journey—and that pleasure can come from things like exercise, hard work, and personal investment—is the key to long-term success.
The Core Message:
Instead of letting pain stop you, use it to grow.Self-discipline is the key to success, and those who control their pain and train their brain to seek pleasure from the right things will win in the long run.
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3 Recommended Audiobooks in English:
1. Can't Hurt Me – David GogginsA book about Goggins' journey from a tough childhood to becoming one of the world's toughest men—teaching how to embrace pain and use it to your advantage.
2. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – Mark MansonA book that offers a realistic approach to life, how to handle suffering, and how to choose the battles worth fighting.
3. Atomic Habits – James ClearA book that teaches how small, consistent habits can transform your life—including how to train your brain to persist and turn challenges into pleasure.
Each of these books explores mental training, overcoming difficulties, and building self-discipline to achieve greater goals.
